Things you need to know about the *ichigan Wolverines — and a few you don’t, but are fun anyway

So*e things that you *ay not know about U* and the Wolverines.

When Ohio State hosts Michigan this weekend, the Buckeyes will be looking for their first victory over the Wolverines since 2019. But as depressing as that sounds – and is! – OSU’s current losing streak in The Game is “only” three (games).

This is because TTUN skipped the 2020 meeting like a bunch of cowards, saving Jim Harbaugh’s job in the process and **Allegedly** allowing the coach and his staff time to devise an elaborate sign-stealing and spying scheme that would change the trajectory of college football and leave an indelible stain on the game forever.

But hey, I’m not bitter or upset that Michigan figured out an illicit way to stop sucking out loud. All’s fair in love, war, and football, right? I guess losing 15 out of 16 brings out the worst in certain people and programs.

That being said, I think Ohio State fans might be ready for the worst in Ryan Day to come out. Not the worst as in Cotton Bowl Ryan Day, but rather a version of Day that will do anything and go to any length(s) necessary to defeat the dastardly, deplorable Wolverines.

And this might just be the year to do so… Not that Day and/or whomever shouldn’t be out for blood every year, but you know what I mean… Because TTUN is down bad, and OSU has a chance to not only exercise three years’ worth of Michigan demons but also (to) reach the Big Ten Championship Game and do something similar against Oregon.

Here are a few more things you should know about the Michigan Wolverines:

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The University of Michigan’s motto is Artes, Scientia, Veritas, which translates (in English) to “Arts, Knowledge, Truth”. Ha, Truth! Give me a break. Michigan and truth go together like modern America and bipartisanship.

Jack “Dr. Death” Kevorkian earned a doctorate from U-M.

Photo by jean-Louis Atlan/Sygma via Getty Images

As did Ted Kaczynski AKA the “Unabomber”…What?? Just pointing out two random facts of interest here, both of which pertain to UM alums.

Just last month, five University of Michigan grads were charged by the FBI with conspiracy, providing false statements to federal investigators, and destruction, alteration, or falsification of records — after being caught spying at/on a U.S. National Guard base in 2023. Okay, you got me. I’m being intentionally shitty. It’s all in good fun, though. And I can’t help that certain folks associated with UM seem to loooove espionage.

Michigan is/has the winningest program in college football history. And most of those victories are (likely) legit.

The Wolverines also boast 12 national titles and 3 Heisman Trophy winners. Fine, I’ll give credit where it is due. Michigan is, was, and likely always will be one of the preeminent programs in CFB. And TTUN just went on one of the most impressive three-year runs in FBS history.

Was said run aided by illegal advance scouting, prohibited recruiting tactics, and other “stuff”? Maybe. But the team’s national title and 40 wins over that period still stand. So the Wolverines – and their fans – earned bragging rights, whether the rest of us like it or not.

However…

Most of last year’s national title team is long gone, coaches included. Actually, it’s more than just last year’s team and/or staff — Most of Michigan’s talent and braintrust from their entire three-year run is long gone.

The Wolverines’ roster experienced very little turnover near the end of Jim Harbaugh’s tenure in Ann Arbor, something that benefited the team and program immensely. Players such as Blake Corum, Roman Wilson, Kris Jenkins, Michael Barrett, and Mike Sainristil stuck around for four-plus years and started a million games together. But when they (and others) all left together, that mass exodus left several holes in UM’s roster.

As for Harbaugh’s staff, well, most of those guys left together too. And we all kind of know why.

But the Wolverines still have plenty of talent, especially on the defensive side of the ball. Mason Graham, Kenneth Grant, and Josaiah Stewart make up most of what is arguably the best defensive line in college football. Ernest Hausman and Jaishawn Barham are both steady, productive linebackers. And Will Johnson, a presumptive top-10 2025 NFL Draft pick, looms as a potential difference maker in TTUN’s secondary (if healthy).

Their offense, on the other hand… Michigan’s offense is basically Iowa’s without the uber-productive running back. The Wolverines have cycled through three quarterbacks this season, all of whom have struggled. And the team’s once vaunted rushing attack has been more of a rushing annoyance or inconvenience to opponents.

Prior to last Saturday’s game against Northwestern, running backs Kalel Mullings and Donovan Edwards had combined to score just three rushing touchdowns since the end of September — while adding little to no value as pass catchers. Mullings averaged 3.5 yards per carry from 9/28 – 11/9, and video game coverboy Edwards has not cracked the century mark (rushing) all season.

Of course, we know what those players – as well as tight end Colston Loveland – are capable of. However, they are naturally dependent upon competent QB play and strong blocking up front, both of which have been inconsistent at best for the Wolverines.

The Wolverines are clearly down this season. So if Ryan Day and the Buckeyes don’t win on Saturday… Whooo boy.

But let’s not even think about that. Go Bucks!