You’re Nuts: What would be the funniest outcome of this year’s version of The Game?

Your (almost) daily dose of good-natured, Ohio State banter.

Everybody knows that one of the best parts of being a sports fan is debating and dissecting the most (and least) important questions in the sporting world with your friends. So, we’re bringing that to the pages of LGHL with our favorite head-to-head column: You’re Nuts.

In You’re Nuts, two LGHL staff members will take differing sides of one question and argue their opinions passionately. Then, in the end, it’s up to you to determine who’s right and who’s nuts.

Today’s Question: What would be the funniest outcome of this year’s version of The Game?

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Jami’s Take: TBDBITL rubs salt in an open wound

Regardless of how The Game shakes out, Saturday’s matchup between Ohio State and their rivals to the north will be inherently hilarious to one of the two fan bases: Either the Buckeyes hand TTUN their sixth (!!!) loss of the season or the Wolverines interfere with OSU’s Big Ten title hopes.

Either way, one fan base is cackling like a hyena. Matt & I are working under the assumption that Buckeye fans will be the ones having the last laugh this time.

Now, a lot of times when I see “haha wouldn’t it be so funny if…” pieces, we get one of two angles: “Wouldn’t it be so funny if Team A absolutely blows out Team B (in this case, I would like OSU to blow out TTUN, and I would laugh, but it’s not exactly the most creative scenario),” or “Wouldn’t it be so funny if so-and-so got injured?”

You won’t get either of those from me: We can do better than Scenario No. 1 and Scenario No. 2 is never funny. We don’t wish injuries on the real human beings playing the game, and if you are someone who does, please seek professional help. OK, glad we got that out of the way.

But since Matt and I both believe the Buckeyes will win big this weekend anyway (I’m talking by a minimum of four touchdowns), it would be especially funny if, in the spirit of the rivalry, the Best Damn Band in the Land rubbed a little extra salt in the wound.

Some of you might have seen clips from TBDBITL’s halftime performance against Purdue, in which they formed the shape of a bear taking a dump on our rival’s logo (and actually, it would be super funny if that was somehow prophetic and an actual bear got loose in the stadium and took a dump in our opponents’ locker room, but I neither foresee that happening nor am I sure they’d be able to play with a giant grizzly running around, and I for one want to watch football).

So instead, it would be flawless comedy if TBDBITL took the opportunity to do a halftime performance reenacting each of TTUN’s five losses so far this season.

Halftime performances typically last around eight minutes, which is plenty of time to act out some of our rival’s funniest flops so far this season. We could open on Texas, on UM tight end Colston Loveland’s unforced fumble.

Follow it with fans storming the field after the Washington Huskies beat the Wolverines in a national championship rematch (albeit between two very different football teams this time around). Then we jump to the following week, where quarterback Jack Tuttle got pummeled with sack after sack from Illinois.

We’d follow the Wolverines through their blowout loss against Oregon and their 20-15 loss to then-No. 8 Indiana. And then we bring it home with a real-time update from Brutus and the band, showcasing the halftime score of the ongoing game against OSU (with Ohio State handily in the lead).

There’s something so funny to me, on both sides, when the rivalry leads to deeply petty nonsense, whether it’s coaches trash-talking, fans scribbling out the Ms all over campus (or in Ann Arbor, refusing to wear red), anything of that nature, so having the band get in on the fun in what should be a blowout game is a harmless yet hilarious way to make our dominance known and felt after three years of misery.

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Matt’s Take: Ryan Day and the Buckeyes hang 100 on ‘em

Since nearly the second that No. 2 Ohio State’s 38-15 victory over then-No. 10 Indiana became official, Buckeye quarterback Will Howard has been talking about why he is so passionate about beating That Team Up North. For a guy who only arrived in Columbus in January, he clearly understands the stakes of this rivalry from all angles.

Chief amongst them is that he wants to win for head coach Ryan Day. After winning The Game in his first season in charge in 2019, then having Jim Harbaugh use COVID as an excuse to chicken out of playing in 2020, Day has lost three straight games against the Mitten Men. Over those three disappointing seasons, the coach has taken the brunt of the criticism from fans and the college football media. That criticism has clearly stung his players.

When you throw in the idiotic way that TTUN fans and players have viciously gone after Day following games and in the wake of their self-imposed cheating scandal, OSU players are taking attacks on their coach incredibly personally.

So, what would be the funniest way for this year’s rivalry game to go? In my mind, it would be for Day to get his ultimate revenge, not only in breaking the three-year, cheating-induced losing streak but in finally living up to the goal he laid out in front of his team four years ago… to “hang 100 on ‘em.”

While Day’s comments were made in a private team meeting, they somehow leaked out and became a rallying point for Buckeye fans, but a thorn in the craw of the Weasels. So, given TTUN’s putrid offense and uneven defense, and Ohio State’s star-riddled roster, it feels like if it’s ever going to happen, it would have to be this year.

A few seasons ago I looked at what it would actually take to make this nearly impossible feat happen. It almost certainly won’t come to pass this year, especially considering that the Buckeyes have played deliberately slowly this season and the Corn and Blue utilizes a run-focused offense, meaning that there probably won’t be time to score that many points.

However, I get the sense that Day and his team are out for blood. So, expect surprises, whether that means picking up the pace, throwing in some trick plays, or going for two (because you couldn’t go for three. While getting to triple digits might not actually be in the cards for the Buckeyes, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing them put up a 50-burger instead.

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Let us know who you are agreeing with: